Tuesday, December 18, 2012

 m o r n i n g  s t a r

i toss and turn from a fitful sleep
and snores coming from the other side of the bed

i lay thinking of dreams and sleep and things i need to do
and haven't done.

things i've said and didn't say and things i should've said
and things i regret i said.
and did.

regret is what causes gnashing of teeth.
anxiety and sorrow and guilt all rolled into one,

whether it be eating a sweet that will make your tummy ache
or something worse like-
an attitude that makes your heart bitter
or worse;
your pathetic apathy that comes into full view in the night, 
like marley's ghost.

i was going to pray today.
i was going to study today.
i was going to call today.
i was going to stop that today.

the anguish, like a laurel wreath, surrounds my mind
my chest, my hands and feet,
tightening with the ever present grip of the days' deceiving pride.

i attempt in this dark smothering solitude,
     between the sounds of the old refrigerator humming
     and the human steamship next to me,
to repent.

a song comes into my mind over and over and over again. . .
is it jumping jack flash?!

i can't take it anymore!
i groan and throw back the covers of safety and warmth
that tangle me,
and i look out into the cold. black. sky.

and  there  you  are.

in all your innocence and purity,
shining with hope
and mercy for
a brand new day-

and another try.