Friday, April 29, 2011

the purpose of gratitude

this is a bit of a play on words in this particular context.
i have been meditating on 'my purpose' for some years now.
the kids are gone, and i've gotten pretty soft in the rump.
i'm in the autumn of my days and the question "what now?" keeps wiggling it's way into my cranium.

yesterday, i had the pleasure of spontaneous visitors. they came and ooooed and ahhhhed at my home and garden and studio. each one was genuinely glad to be there, and i just can't tell you how much it meant to me.
 i had been in one of my self-deprecating modes. i wanted to wear a sign that said 'POSER' with an interchangeble first letter 'L'.
when will i ever stop comparing myself to others?
when will i stop 'loathing' the body, the talent, the home, the life that God has blessed me with?
it is just shameful.
i realized this morning in my prayers, that my purpose (all of us actually) in this life, is to BE THANKFUL for ALL things.

i'm not just talking about positive thinking.
as we move in close to our heavenly Father (thankyou Jesus for making our way)
how can we do anything but praise Him who has given us all things through Christ!
even illness, and hardships are a way of leading us back to Him.

i know how i feel if one of my kids are truly grateful for something i've done.
it is an act of love for them to tell me.
how blessed is God to hear His own children say Thankyou.

and what does a grateful heart do to a person? and how does it ripple  away from his or her life onto others? can thankfulness be contagious?
thankfullness can bring light and clear thought, joy and even peace to a person who is sick or dying or depressed.
there are times to be sad and be sad with someone, but in thankfulness we can be changed.
i believe God made us to be thankful people.
it's so good for us!
here are a few things i'm thankful for-
friends who come by for a cup of tea, autoimmune hepatitis (it made me stop drinking so i could see the world!) chickens and kitties that follow me around the yard, my husband and how hard he works and loves my kids,
and i could go on and on and on. . .

thankfulness is better than any other medicine.


(and please pray for our neighbors who have been devastated by the tornados)

Monday, April 18, 2011

"little children, love one another"

at the risk of being too transparent, i want to brooch a subject all of us have had to deal with, on different levels, many times in our lives.


some of us dwell on this more than others but i think it's a subject worth analyzing.
depending on the kind of home you were brought up in, you may or may not have a capacity for feeling it as others do.
it is somthing that motivates so many other behaviors.
in theory, if you have power, you don't have to feel rejection. if you have money, you can buy your way out of rejection.
if you have a perfect figure, the perfect hair, the finest clothes, capitol letters at the end of your name- don't all these things potentially guard us from rejection?

but in the end, no matter what we do or where we are, we will be rejected in one form or another.

i hate rejection because i can be insecure about who i am.
when i am rejected, (or think i am being rejected) i start thinking about how i can change so i won't be rejected anymore.
or maybe even go so far as the old 'well they'll be sorry when i'm dead' routine. (i'm laughing here) because, (be honest) haven't we all thought that at one time or another?

i could go into lists and lists of what or why people could be rejected, from personal hygiene, to rotten penmanship.

was this the thorn in paul's side?

 it makes me groan when i think about being rejected--but worse yet--oh no! how many times i have rejected someone else..
the being rejected can make me wince with tears, but the knowledge of how many times i have rejected someone for some petty reason or even unforgiveness, can set my teeth to gnash.

i would really rather focus on my own sin, than on being the victim of it.

john the revelator, when he was so old he had to be carried to meetings on a mat, only had one thing to say, when the congregation would ask him for his amazing wisdom.
"little children, love one another"

even in church, we can turn our backs on one another-in fact, sometimes i see it there more than anywhere. {there but for the grace of God go i.}

i think it's the thing we have to overcome ; with our hand in the hand of the man that stilled the water. :)
i can't do this thing alone, but i know my savior can work it in me.
if i will but ask.
and in the asking, He will give us new ways to see, new ways to feel His Love everlasting.
and above all, in asking we will be in right relationship to the one. . . who was and is rejected .
oh how deep, and wide and vast and high is the depth of His love.

little children, (please) love one another.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


a few of my past blogs have been about being sick.
it's been one heck of a winter- with an acute kidney infection followed by an intense sinus infection which lasted 4 weeks, followed by pertussis which has lasted another 6 weeks.
last week i went into the doc and got my fourth prescription of antibiotics and a prescription of prednizone.

i wish i could feel like i do taking prednizone, all the time.
even though i have still been sick, the energy has been amazing.
i feel younger. my joints don't hurt. i can sit indian style again.
i'm alert and think ahead, and i have a crazy appetite.

i have avoided this drug for years. and while i will still avoid using it long term,
it has been a blessing of relief.
i just hope that when i'm weened off in the next couple of days, that i don't go back to wheezing.

last night i laid down to sleep for the first time in weeks.
i've spent a lot of nights on the recliner or propped up in bed.

but what a wonderful time to get well.
Easter. spring. new life. ressurection.
i feel such gratitude for breathing and moving.

we never know when our complaints and plans and worries about getting things done, or money, or stress will come to a screeching halt.
not by getting everything we think we need or want, but by illness.
or something like it.
i wish so much that i could keep in this frame of mind.
grateful for everything.
smelling again. feeling the sun. tasting my food. scrubbing the floor.

i even got to watch my chicken drop an egg today -hahaha! wish i'd had my camera.

♫ you don't know what you got till it's gone ♫

thanks to my friends and loved ones who have been praying for me and thinking of me.
God bless you with good health and a grateful heart.

love, gigi

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

weeding the wooly thyme

ever, since we moved here,
six years ago this month,
i've enjoyed the pleasure of an annual spring ritual;
weeding the wooly thyme.

there is always that one early spring day, when it's warm enough to go sit on my little gardening pillow and pick at the crabgrass and sorrel that has weedled it's way into the thyme on our front stoop.

the previous owners had layed large relatively flat pieces of flagstone in a semi circle in front of our porch, which they then planted with aromatic wooly thyme, to soften the gaps.

i have thought about getting rid of the rocks because for anyone with a cane or wheels, the stones can be a bit difficult to maneuver;
but i can't bring myself to uproot this fine fragrant little garden.

it seems to be worth the minor tediums it takes to keep it up,
for there is not only the weeding of it,
but  keeping it tidy when  it captures rose petals and cherry blossoms, as they fly in the whirls of mischievous spring eddies, or again, when it captures the cedar pods and fronds, embracing them in the autumn blusters of the west wind.
then there are the creatures it harbours. busy red ants and creepy crawlies that come out in the night to wander about on the warmth of the porch.
still- there is such pleasure in the one particular day, that is chill when standing, but warm when low to the ground.
the little creatures are still sleepy enough not to pinch and the late winter rains have softened the roots of the undesireables.
so with great joy i sit, surgically removing every last naked root i can find, while carefully lifting the skirts of the wooly thyme to reveal them.

 humans love rituals. this is one of mine.
as i sit in the warmth of the sun, near the ground out of the course of the brisk april buffet,
i thank the dear Lord for these simple tasks, and at the same time revel in, with greatness of gratitude, the peace i am afforded, in such times as these.

Friday, April 1, 2011

mowing the lawn

what a wonderful day today has been.
no foolin'!
even though i am still socially unacceptable ie wheezing and hacking,
i was outside most of the day today. the sun was shining for the first time in decades!
to start this first day of april off, the electric company guys, came early and cut a tree down for us.
this tree was someones christmas tree many years ago. there are still strings of lights in the top portion.
since we've been here (6yrs.) this tree has more than doubled in size. it had been my clothesline post and shade in the heat of summer , but it started shading my garden and we couldn't see the moonrise anymore so kkkkkkgggk.
that's the sound you make when you run your finger across your throat to symbolize death. can you spell it better?
it's so amazing to sit in our living room and see the full sky, and hills and orchards. oh! a duck just flew by.
i'm so blessed. thankyou tree. sorry tree. bye bye tree. we'll see you in the winter in the wood box.
you had a good and useful life.

the next thing i did today was raked, very slowly. i also pruned roses quietly. i transplanted lupine and daisies carefully and gently, and i weeded with patience.
when you've been sick it is so important to take your time. what normally would have taken a couple of hours, took all day. but it was so beautiful out there in the sunshine and embracing breezes.

now it's 4:30 and my husband is mowing the lawn for the first time this year.
i know we need to have less lawn.
my daughter outlaw told me a horrendous statistic about how lawns take up more earth space than all the crops in the world. whaaaaat?
so i am little by little trying to 'cut down' on the size of our lawn. but i gotta tell ya.
it's my 50's upbringing i'm sure, but there's something so nostalgic  and wonderful about the smell of fresh cut grass. and then to lay in the yard is just like one of the best things i can do to stay young.  it truly is a good place to go when you're feeling like a turd. haha!

well, i still can't really go anywhere but it sure was nice to be out of the house today.
i hope you had a wonderful spring day too.