Tuesday, December 18, 2012

 m o r n i n g  s t a r

i toss and turn from a fitful sleep
and snores coming from the other side of the bed

i lay thinking of dreams and sleep and things i need to do
and haven't done.

things i've said and didn't say and things i should've said
and things i regret i said.
and did.

regret is what causes gnashing of teeth.
anxiety and sorrow and guilt all rolled into one,

whether it be eating a sweet that will make your tummy ache
or something worse like-
an attitude that makes your heart bitter
or worse;
your pathetic apathy that comes into full view in the night, 
like marley's ghost.

i was going to pray today.
i was going to study today.
i was going to call today.
i was going to stop that today.

the anguish, like a laurel wreath, surrounds my mind
my chest, my hands and feet,
tightening with the ever present grip of the days' deceiving pride.

i attempt in this dark smothering solitude,
     between the sounds of the old refrigerator humming
     and the human steamship next to me,
to repent.

a song comes into my mind over and over and over again. . .
is it jumping jack flash?!

i can't take it anymore!
i groan and throw back the covers of safety and warmth
that tangle me,
and i look out into the cold. black. sky.

and  there  you  are.

in all your innocence and purity,
shining with hope
and mercy for
a brand new day-

and another try.

Monday, September 3, 2012


youth's precocious spontaneity
rushes with fearless joy into

adult severity.
rivalries become serious
speculations produce suspicion
skeptical of sincerity
trudging into middleage desperation
facing weariness of effort

 until at last

 we give up to age.
 and there in lies 
 and a quiet grace
 waiting with open arms to comfort the young.

Thursday, August 2, 2012


soft velour couch faces north
direct view of  the
screen door, porch, petunias,
tomato plant, fence, field
forest, mountain, sky

there's a numbness in my jaw
and my pants are too tight.
my shoes are half on as if i'm going to

morning chill is still clinging to my arms
while the sun pours golden through the coleus on the sill.

little rainbows dance on the floor
to a scented breeze
moves the prism in the window.
what is that smell?

grass and roses, flox and marigolds
lavender and beebalm
mingling with the chattering of sparrows.

love is a high. love is a blanket.
love is a knife. love is death.
love is light. love is long dark nights
waiting waiting waiting.

what cannot be shaken?

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

who's who?

i saw a vulture in the field today.
he walked with a limp.
i could hear him thinking
'i'm a loner and i get all this bovine afterbirth for myself'

my friend came over today.
her sister took all her mother's antiques
and kept them for herself.
her sister must walk with a limp.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

the Mercy Seat

i real-ized something this morning!

when i pray, i say 'Lord, your will be done" but
without knowing it, i'm trying to come up with an answer for the person i'm praying for.

unintentionally, i try to assess their situation and when i can't come up with an answer,
i 'give it to the Lord.'

meanwhile, back at the ranch,
i'm still judging who i'm praying for!

i am nOt coming in all humility.

i look at their sins and see what they should and shouldn't
be doing
or saying
or how they are living.

i'm not laying my life down.

now, i don't verbalize all of this while i pray.
i've not even been conscious of it,
until this morning.

the Lord lives in me.
He dwells on the mercy seat of my heart.
but do i acknowledge Him there?

 i seem to be able to stay outside the Holy of Holies,
avoiding the fear and trembling and humility,
by leaning on my own understanding and experience.

i grieve, i cry, i beg for mercy for those i love,
but am i dying for them?

'no greater gift , than that we lay our life down for a friend'

can i get myself out of the way long enough to truly
bring them to the feet of Christ in all humility?

can i,
will i ,
do i ,
say "Lord, but for your grace O God, go i ?"

the truth is,
i am nO better off than aNyone.
the LORD is my righteousness,
but how easily i  fall into my own
web of pride and self righteousness and self-deception.

forgive me.

            james 2:13 ~ Mercy Triumphs  Over Judgement !

Friday, April 20, 2012

happy birthday cindy belle

colorful orbs dance along the ceiling
above streams of salty crepe.
wraps and greetings a-glitter

crystal pond of fruity sweetness
icy fish and flowers swim
cups and chairs and dolls with lacy

shiny shoes, curled hair
coloring books and crayons
blowing bubbles and
paper tubes that go

soft white cake
buttery pink frosting
tiny flame tipped candles
ribbons of smoke disappearing like
the years

Saturday, March 24, 2012

my favorite pet

i was raised and lived
in the midwest
as a child
the nights were hot and sticky
my little sisters and i
stayed out late
past the mosquitos
when the cool came into
the backyard
and the lightning bugs would lift
from their underground dens
magically throbbing
yellow glows of love
all through the night air.
with a peanut butter jar we'd run
and jump and catch them
in our pudgy bare feet
we pulled fragrant grass with our little fists
for our new found pets
to make them feel at home
in their  glass houses.
when we caught 4 or 5 or 6 of them
we would sit
on  warm concrete steps
of the stoop
and watch
as they filled the jar with light
and crawled desperately
over the grass
and each other
their wee red heads and
gray striped wings whirring
their little legs trying
to climb the slippery glass
our cold sweaty hands
held over the top
feeling the tickle of their
great attempts to escape
with a piece of granite and a nail
holes would be punched into
the jar's lid
and screwed on tight
for the night
time for bed
in the morning
they were dead
the first time
i cried
but then
 i got used to it.

Monday, March 12, 2012

billy and earl

billy bluejay stellar
and earl squirrel brown
lived in murphy's walnut trees
far above the ground

earl was a workaholic,
gathering night and day
while billy was a lazy cuss 
stealing where he may

                                                              earl squirrel found each nut
and buried them for later
but jay would follow, dig them up
and take them,  leaving craters

jay'd drop the nuts from way  up high
and listen to them crack!
then fly down to the open nut
 and eat them with a grrack!         chkchkchkchkchkchkchk.

                                                      earl squirrel ran in the road
(poor thing was such a clutz)
he died that day and mean old jay
cried 'blast! i'm outta nuts!"

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Saturday, March 3, 2012

w i n d 's s t o r m

i felt a rush in my head as
the barometric pressure
dropped rapidly.
it'd been warm for a few days in
the groundhog month.
the shortest month.
the love month.
the month of betrayal.

every february i am beguiled
as her cold grey churlish character turns docile and
sunny days move through
beckoning  me to clean garden beds,
plumping buds and forcing bulbs to emerge
from the comfort of their sleepy little burrows.

the  siren song of a warm friendly south wind
changed the tune of the chimes hangin on my porch.
and with rake in one hand and trowel in the other
i stand fighting my urge to make plans,
and get busy.

until this day,
again this day
when february laughs at me,
turns round once more and with a playful BITE

comes rushing back from the
West NorthWest
crashing into the warm south visitor
and pushes 'er OUT!

i heard her comin.
it was dusk when i heard her
blustering through the cedars,
whipping rain and snow in furious spits.

as we went to bed that evening, i opened the sash just a whisp
to hear her moan and whistle as she blasted by
slapping the tin on the roof of the barn
clangin all the chimes and threatening
to push down a tree or knock out the electricity

i snuggled under the down and smiled.

she didn't get me. 
i got a lot done while she was gone, and now i need a nice little break
to plan for the real spring
comin right behind her.

Thursday, February 16, 2012


yesterday was a perfect  day for working outside. the sky was blue, the breeze was very light, and the robins were doing their canned laughter imitations.
i had had a wonderful valentines day and aside from the flowers and chocolate, he gave me a yard of fine bark mulch.
***the perfect thing for a serious case of spring fever.

so after we had eaten our morning oats (which i hate, but he loves, so i eat them) and i had made his everyday lunch and got him out the door to work, i got on my mudders and florescent green gloves and headed out to the utility trailer where the steaming mulch huddled from the frost.

retrieving the wheel barrow, shovels, rake and broom, i began scooping up the rich black mulch and wheeling it over to blanket my naked gardens. ahhh. it felt so good to use muscles that had been left to sleep, while crochet muscles took over for the winter. it felt so good to feel the fresh air, fart out loud, wipe my nose on my sleeve and feel my hat fall down around my eyes.
the mulch was damp and because there was barely a breeze, it went onto the beds with ease.
every now and then i'd take a break and look into the sky, get the binoculars and check out the neighbors, and let the chickens out who were tangoing by the gate.
they love being free like me.

i had hung sheets on the line and they were so crisp and fragrant!
and after a nice long day in the sun and with aching musckles, i climbed into our bed with sweet memories and the feeling of a job well done.
i slept like a log.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

i resolve

i resolve to revolve in revolution to my resolution by
reconstructing reconciliations with reassuring realizations of regenerated redemption.
i am resigned to a reformed refined reflective regiment to rehabilitate, renovate, and repudiate 
the restrictive  result of retentive and repressing replenishment remisses.
with reflux reducing redundancy, i shall refrain rebellious reaction, and republish  reasonable recommpense
with recollections of  recipes recommended to reconcile this receptacle with it's rectum.
if i should regress regretfully and return like a retriever to  it's regurgitation,  i will retaliate with reticence against this recidivism and
refuse to reverberate or revivify the resonance of this resolution, regardless. . .
next monday